update

hey guys, hows it going?

i wanted to let some of my friends know what i've been up to. hi, 'been trying to look for work for almost six months now. i moved to oak park from my place on 16th street. its really just a struggle to find work and to pay rent these days. there is a slim chance of going to school in the spring to get my last year and half completed on my bachelor's degree. rent is my biggest priority and if i could find even a part-time job then i would be able to attend in spring, but this window of opportunity is starting to close.

other then these "things" i'm doing pretty good. i'm feeling good, also i'm alot thinner then i was this time last year ( got up to 280 lbs).

i want to let alot of friends know that i'm ok and that i apologize for not getting back to them through my emails and such. sorry guys, i'll get back to messaging when the times are a bit better. i just can't see myself writing emails when i can't afford essential things. yeah i had a list of people to email when time alotted me that luxury however i sold the computer with the list on its hard drive.

so anyway, i hope everybody is well and that your summers' have been great for family and friends. ok take it easy guys, for now back to the job-hunt.

update

working really hard and working too hard with my commute. my check is going to buy a bike, man my feet hurt... i've said i'm too old for this to myself "too" many times this week. going to try and hang in to find another job. it doesn't matter what i'm doing for work but i have to be sitting down. a sit down job is the best thing for me. maybe this thing with work will pass and i'll go into work on friday with no trouble. i'm afraid my lack of patience for anything resembling trouble is going to be to my disadvantage.

anyway, life a little messy with the move and the new neighborhood. "i got chased by a prostitute a couple nights ago, she kept saying she wanted me to give her a tissue wtf..." WTF

anyway anyway, well i'm alive working hard still haven't changed my address yet, i'll put that on the list too

yugg dug and full of mugg

identify to identify the identitity, a form that has lost its ...
if people know who i am, then these decisions have decided ..
sitting in place, sitting in a chair, sitting on a place,
sitting in line, standing in sitting down-line ...

dragging on down to the point of no return, the dragging point of no return...
flowering vegitation gives me hope...
i could buy something to get off my mind, the purchase power...
falling extremely fast, out of fucking control falling ...

focus on it, you need to focus..
what are you doing?
what the hell are you doing ?

i have decided
i will fashion a list, this list will provide me timely information ..

post 69

so i'm going to be moving this month, yeh. i hope school lets me stay another year, answers at end of the month. Finacial aid says that i am not good enough. their right, i just hope they make mistakes, good mistakes. this month is pretty crazy but just rolling with it. trying to keep my nose to the grindstone so as to not over-think the situation too much, na wha i saaayn.. moving to natomas area.. but cool. 16th street can sukk it, SUKK IT .. would love to see something good happen around me , idk kinda low ... yea all the usual things i rely upon to sustain interest have been well, used.. kinda bored and working the usual system of "workage" work stuffs... idk idk idk.. i'm starting to think of things to be grateful for but , who cares.. i do, i care about the indifference of no one. its probably a slow news day and i'm wishing something bad happenned so i could talk about it. wow, that is the truth. well some goals could quell this flood of pessimisism, maybe a point. this is when i turn to science the cure-all



http://www.fart-sound.com/

Swedish Nationalists in Struggling City See Rival Parties Steal Their Thunder

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/04/world/europe/04sweden.html?_r=1&ref=world&pagewanted=all

"boo" day

going to college today to try and smooth out some of the wrinkles. i'm hopeful, well fifty percent. Financial aid could only do so much for below average student. if there are excuses then thats fine. even reasons, if happens that i don't then its on to the next. still lookin for a room, have a couple but not sure things ... wanted, good vibes can you send them my way. yay! Vibes! need to start this day, monday

place time

the patience, past time, waiting period, holding pattern

lost in lost in lost in (and) found

and you and you and you

sleep train, koo koo ka choo

room doom boom loom shoom

dont think, watch words are found and lost again,

fold over to roll, untold landlord tax stomp

besties with blue eyes watch orbits 'grey skies

(don't just do something spiritualized)

trying is trying and trying trying trying try.

mosh mosh, moshi moshi how are you doing?

playing pinball and watching TV, what year ? 1985

made marks with words to label the air


top o' the page may be possible when on vacation, on the bottom-line

working for the weekend job, ???????????

cops in a coffee works, coffee shop

"and i notice a small replacement chord. and i cut the damn boards ... forgot what i started i the first place. how you doin. hi. free. uh. boy last night week pushin pushin it. he was getting a c in science or whatever. my wife is on for like a hour an a half. and he go six thirty. upstairs go to bed. dropping the hammer. more off then on lately. kind of a cool deal. think there is place. pretty big vacility , there private park area. grassy park area. cant do eh, were actually ... (paper crumbles) columbian.... (a squeeky door opens and slowly closes) (radio plays something from the sixties) don't poke your eye out." "it a long bus drive. so thats. what time do you have to be at the bus stop. any sports. yeah he actually played a little basketball. he's decent. with guys from that look like they're in high school. stop that guy right there. i never played basketball period. thats a that thats a reach. you know there is certain things you can do but if you hands are up . he want to play soccer . school basketball is pretty good they have a baseball team. they don't have football. the are good sporting opportunities. some day when they don't come home till seven o'clock and night. but alot of the teams they play are farther up ... they all ready live out there."

days

"would you like a little bag, for your quiche. oh you don't want the box. i'm sorry. yeah just a small container. i'm going to snarf it walking. sunday.... you could go online.... correct.... on the corner... shine sacramento.com ..... we accept... yeah she should be coming in today around 1. we're closed on mondays, so.. oh cool, alright yeah... correct, your welcome. thank you so much. alright later man. "



they happen, happen to happen when left to be seen. there is more happenning when something happens. credit happens, bury what happens, save what happens, feed what happens as well. grace, what happens happens to them, it happens and there is something to be. what happens is graceful. what happens is mentioned. one finds the something when nothing happens....

starbuck suburban thundercloud

don't care don't care don't care don't fucking care yeah its good yeah its good yeah its good yeah its better then good.

take that walk buy some energizer
purchase walk back
walk and caring
no yea yea yea
walking and carefull
never the ever the don't fucking care
the indifferent
never fucking care
good goodbye looking to the sky.
who cares, so much to do
more to careless about full
stockton is P st
capitol is L st
laughing at the wrong way drivers
thats funny, they come to town
crashing cars , go crash your car somewhere else
the suburbs are nice
starbuck suburban thundercloud

exchange

change: the changes changes, the changes, that changes, the changes, that changes the changes changes. after changing the changes, further changes bring changes to changes and many changes bring change. changing changes change change to change changes. you change changes! we change changes! change the change brought the change to change you. change the change. change the change, find change in change -8

writing

in growing hope there is a wind,

a history fades to scattered parts,

behind curled in on itself,

a market is full of vibrations,

people live together,

in a pile of life,


there is a light shining,

lost among light scattered, burned.

curled in on itself,

fresh vegitables sold,

a city of favorites,

living together,

bbq peoms

dreamer, nothing but a
doodling before i walk on home
make a few things
starbucks god whatever
getting tired
not interested
some things uh
other things egh
the market
fission
boredom
money
math


the sky is open
a picture taken in hope
never waiting
walking through a door

cracks, pavement stable
movement, traffic like thursday
homeless look fed
a pleasant walk home

chicken broth skim fat mmmmmm
tower of dish
how deep is your love
pile of life

white people, starbucks
i guess if we have to
yea sounds like fun (laughter)
happy to leave

coffee, without
my energy is low
hunger like dragons
bbq dragons

bbq poems

homeless soccer

an alliance, comfortable alliance
all for one, when reflected
digitally, raining makes a fine noise
a" one for all" sound,
embrace the place.
embrace the place.
an absence of evidence does not equal an evidence of absence
one for all is not all for one
dinosaurs and unicorns
blessing bless blessed, i'm counting.
who's counting my blessings ?
freedom

80884 is the magic number

lost and open, loaded and bro-ded, grean and lean, stupid and dupid, food and dood, red and red, lost and found

lip, tongue, voice, movement, walking, leaving, looking, lording, resisting, purchasing, winning, cleanning, eating, washing, organizing, dealing, ignoring, indifferent, faster, leanner,

you need, i sleep. you work, i eat. you think, i walk. you love, i grub. you like, i love. you turtle, i stove. you watch, i work. you can't, i laugh. you must, i care. you cry, i don't. you love, i eat. you lose, i work.

just more and more stuff more

smashing party last night. i slept through the whole thing. it spilled into the street with yelling, with yelling. roommates and guests, people were nice, people weren't, people people. smashing party last night.

need to get this job thing going more. i'm doing it but the frequency needs to pick up. money makes the yadda yadda yadda go round. geez things are just tight, have to make some money come in. its tough not to have a phone, its tough not to have a phone.

i just want a break from 16th street. if anyone wants to watch some tv? aaaaahhhh ....

anyway, oh yea. time to go grocery shopping, i forgot. cool. making a little food will keep me busy , cool.

i heard last night from rob that even if you have a law degree, its hard to find work. that degree would cost me a quarter million in F.A. on top of CSUS degree. maybe i'll just get and engineering degree, or applied mathmatics. i need something to do at night when i eventually graduate.

those sisters last night were magical, just magical. i want to marry both of them. that would be a freaky scene, haha. anyway, i don't think they were any older then 25. thats a bit young for me, for no money.

time to make a gocery list, big fun small fun

spring

what a wild couple weeks, spring has made this town come alive. i was not prepared, per usual. nonetheless, things are not in anyway less chaotic but its refreshing to know, to know.

have to keep a focus now. keep listing , also clean this thing i call a room. there are so many things. i miss going to class though.

there are some personalities in my life i may have to start avoiding. i feel that they may be getting too close and its just a recipe for disaster.

people have staring problems, man when i graduate from state, things will get so much better. i'm glad i realize that, helps to get through some of this poor$emo$shit$drama$drama.

i have some downloading to do for professuer and i'm heading home, i have to find one document in all of my boxes from LA. i would buy a bottle of wine and make it a night but that is for the fortunate few, for the fortunate few.

may you bless you. SPRING

post it

when i was having a lecture. watching the crowd file in. the smell. the endless endless rattling off of words. very little meaning even less at stake. the mess becomes a disaster and. the smell is worst,, i still have work todo that isn't working on drawings, wow things are not perfect, now its spring. shoot, there is laundry and and and. i have to find a verizon store then i may be able to work on drawings. yea i have to start looking for work, its tuesday. i wonder when the end of the semester is? i have to get to that academic councellor pretty soon or school trouble will get worse. eating the life force, life expectancy. making forces too hungry to complete goal and the losing will occur. will occur. the hidden will replace the seen. whisper instead of extra loud loudness, it might be english its just so loud. i used to dance there when i was in law school. that that that that that that

yeah

in a coffee shop, there is no one here. the couple in the corner is making marriage work and this other person is making it happen. so wait until the line starts and you stand, shooting the breaze making the scene. cliche clichee kim clichee. shopping is lost when money is concern marches. the protest lord jesus the protest. mark the shopping area and and and and and sugar just a minute caugh snord making the tthe making ithe shopping happen when i could possibly shoot the breaze and make the landing happen todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list togo a little in the togo cups enjoy thank you for taht it was fun to wath for here fance cups so coffee alright small is that for here oh man its so beautiful outside oh yea ook so you want our blue would you like room for cream. todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo list todo lsit right ok and behave sometime it is if your not goin to compliment thats exactly the feeling that i wanted. oh wait the art building the next block over right next dooor the oh that excellent an you could put it over there on two coussant it is nine dollar oh yeah we have thirty french presses oh yeah ok i just need an id four five alright i'm going to get your mocha i was just thinking dangerous loreins i believe its may, i just yeah i usually yeah yeah do you guys like butter there is already plenty of butter in there there nothing nothing nothing nothing -80884

looking to do some cooking today , Le nelle reminded me of my birthday tomorrow !! ok yeah, stuff and things stuff and things. well i wanted to type something that i'm thinking but i can't. i guess i have to keep it to my self. um boy, today is advanced drawing and when get home food prep. that should be my day i guess, today is wednesday march 30, 2012. the great big "huh". "huh". thursday, school is out. thursday i should make it out to " the place" or friday. no wonder i cant think, i'm hungry!!! i have four days off from school these things could and should............happpen drawing hw painting hw check todo list made on tuesday night clean room and organize just homework scschedule academic advising with fhlors . then, oh yeah photobucket thing damn , i wonder if they happen to have wifi at school. damn ok off to ..............s c h oooooooool

out loud todo list

well i fell off the jerk wagon and i can't get off the couch. (not true @ coffee house writing this) damn i really have done nothing. in two days nothing has happenned, nothing watch my roomies dvd's all day. behind on all work and i'm not laughing about it. could only shake head. watch the girls go by.....

damn, well i guess back to drawing, hahah. anyway, laundry and stuff. i think writing out my todo list for right now is working more for my attitude then things actually getting done.

grab some chkn from the store and get to drawing, do it in my room and sleep in the living room. that would work better for now. i have to do so much stuff right now

find work like now,
and stuff and things geez getting off course.

have to go to the "dmv"

man i have to check with financial aid and see about this fee i owe and will it affect this semesters grades.

get to that academic advisor thing, soon you.

blah blah blah blah,

i have to brainstorm how to do these 24x24's for painting class. i have to go to kinko's and find boxes that fit, and also find a carry all dolly thing for that even for the pallette.

drawing class is really just these 100 24x18 drawings and thats it. go! i think i could get back to posting poems again.

something like a journal

what the hell happenned! what . what the hell. my trip to LA was bad bad bad. im happy that i am finally moved to sacramento, it took 7 months. now is now. i want to write about how bad LA was but i don't think it can get me anywhere. its much better not to acknowledge it, 'forget it ever happenned. it's best to just make the best of right now and make "now" my priority. its hard cause when i get a quiet moment i start thinking about..... well i have school to think about

with school i have to start making painting my priority and really produce for harvey. now that we have no more internet i have to find it elsewhere. maybe library or kinko, not kinkos.... i should get the library hours so i could coordinate yo ! i also should do 100% 20 drawings . i have wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday.

today i have to take a shower, hygene.. take out some trash and put away my room TODAY! put all that stuff away and get to making art some how ... maybe i have to do more work at the studio. holy crap i have to meet with an academic advisor soon, very soon. fuck ahhhh

ahhhh what the fuck, uh what the fuck. i'm getting off track, damn..

thursday i have to find what paintings todo maybe come back to shine or something. maybe email those pics to rena ... damn as soon as i get a quiet moment i start thinking about LA again. (he threw away alot of my stuff , important stuff/shit). uh i'm getting off track again. anyway.

friday, more homework keep producing

i think i have to address the kitchen issue and stuff after my stuff gets put away. also get to the grocery store man the house is so filthy , god . well i think i have to use a bit of creativity. then i buy some disposable stuff in room and do that. because it goes from clean to filth in no time. man o man . what do i do. idk, well then how am i going to eat, anyway anyway anyway

post consumerate/ fuck poetry, poetry for fucking

when i forget, it's enjoyable.
posted inside the ground.
marked for distribution.
divided, sorted, marked, counted, forgotten,

walk to a store
walk to a store
walk to a university
walk to a coffee shop
walk to a store
walk to a store
walk to a shop
walk to a university
walk to a shop
walk to a house
walk to a university
walk to a store
walk to a shop
walk to a house
walk to a university

reminders for the not me and the me
in conclusion, there isn't anything
when you are ready, there is nothing for you
this line is the longest line, to my knowledge
pain may never leave
can you find a spirit of grace in people
anything is possible, if you even have a chance
today I'm walking down a street
gone
you have arrived, the marketplace
on sale today
what you want

brainstorm content

horizons,shoes,borders,countries,locks,keys,famous people,ice,chrome,morrissey,fat face,gravel,current events,funny,super bowl,paracutes,planes,satellites,7 wonders of the world,american icons,surfers,oceans,waves,textures,textiles,

2/12/2011

got the ball rolling at csus, wasn't able to get all the classes i wanted. i have to really figure out this priority registration for fall or i'm screwed. i can't be behind like this again, my grades are suffering .

cleaning up my little room today and trying to get a haircut too. i hope this week at school is smoother then the last three, lets hope. maybe do some grocery shopping or something. i could start dayplanning on my saclinks site instead of my datebook. oh yeah chuck wants me to sign up to his production company. so many things, so many things

next friday i'm going to get my licences and after that make a run to LA, maybe even before spring break but spring break will be perfect. these classes may be too demanding...

thinking i may not have much of a social life, but i'm going to try and do something about that....

must get priority register

messages written on an open, clear, unique, specific, precise, championship, slice of paper with zero chariots ridden to the king suffice.

struggles are set aside when diluged with many. i would like to think there's an easy answer, there is. without addressing the easy answer, i am putting my head down to "go with the flow". look, see what sticks and go for it.

with a destination dialed, make sure the landing is smooth. coordinate

comma

there is a sour smell in the air, lost the change, digging this open house, empty, full of life, belief, country music is a yodelling believer in the comfort, slow cook, looking for work and my phone is empty of minutes, kisses on paper are so cold, country music, kitties and dogs are in charge of the smells, i have to do other things then clean messes, have to keep focus on impailed S's, i would really enjoy some yoga soon, in a good head space for no real reason, drums rule,

corners linear, shooby, illegal bean, choicing to change home roy, in time, read read read read read read read read read read read read read read, head in read, book is red, bookish, foreign language, read aloud redhead, bobbyshoobybobby,

make a list after this shooby

i d k

this network of experience shares along two graceful slides marked evenly, adjacent. the cause that i fought to fight for, was only wishful if i thought ahead, thinking. words and sentences do have staying power if considered, to do the work and in moments of crisis make graceful slides marked evenly. you see, you see, that what is false has mistaken course for fine. with this just hold it by the handle, use it dont use it i dont care.

magic magic magic magic magic magic, magic. graceful graceful graceful, graceful.

great house of cards

the cost of imagination, 'miss socrates cafe, work on this, work on that, move, found blogger drafts(good ones), FLASH FLOOD, goiter, must make list of things to do before and things to do after. great, a bit bored , the arts are letting me down or i let the arts down, jesus let me down but i don't hold it against him. great, my room is a collection of piles, pile it on piledriver. coffee has let me down so the caffeine pill is a replacement. great, keep focus with this mind numbing march because the ....

great, its only a line so stand, i live in sacramento, giving my painting to goran so he could repurpose them in his work. a house of cards, got to keep eyes open for opportunity in all areas that have purpose, keep the house standing even though it is a house of cards, a house it is.

great house of cards, monitor the aspect of significant figures with areas of purpose. not bored anymore, yey! great house of cards, FLASH FLOOD might be some kind of "purpose" work work work work work work

nutty

edit that torchie no key march brush mush in roomimmigrant stay in room trick stories d o n t ne e d them it takes two space them out to separate strengthen the levees downward spiral make some money vacation dont care about anything be a soldier , make it out.... surprise surprise unitarian vacation bible school oh yeah .....

bob, you

things going on, mostly in my mind. an art show is being planned that involves bringing attention to a cause we in sacramento have to be concerned about. make it as absurd as possible to achieve and uneasy catharsis. which when reached will bring a viewer to leads to a single conclusion, help this cause and help yourself in a time of crisis....

a bit of friction with the roommate however i'm just never going to touch on the "subject" and ofcourse it will go away.

there is so much work to do that its just depressing. i have to take it one task at a time, 'need to stop looking at the big picture because its enormous. can not compute, damn it.

wonder about how to look at the my life. looking at changing my perspective because i'm changing inside. might rethink some of my behaviors to better suit this certain said perspectives or my mood will reflect the frustration ... brainstorm activities.....

get happy bob, you.

scatterbrain man 2011

life has suddenly become very small. have a couple weeks here before school starts, and i'm doing just nothing. really, get going !!! well maybe a list and a shower, maybe. yeah i'm confused about most things that have been across my mind. right, a list will do the trick. perfect.

well crystal castles is playing in march and my roomies want to go with !!!! i want to get rid of my artwork from last semester. it just looks like more work, storing, documenting, taking up valueable space, ect.... my fellow students look at me sideways when i threw the first pile away..

my gpa is trash, i wonder if any grad school will consider me? more work and more patience, more time and more heart, i'm going to get eaten alive??? 'better put myself in a room where i can work to my capabilities...

scatterbrain man, waiting waiting waiting waiting,

wow yeah i'm bored that, yeah bored . bored bored bored......bored....bored.....bored...................research something usefull 2011